Here I sit for the third night in the restaurant of my hotel in Naples. I am trying to enjoy the fact that I love the food here...I love Italy. But my enthusiasm has been nonexistent. It has been an odd sensation to be back in the fleet, particularly with a sudden celebrity status. Being called ma'am just doesn't sound right...it's as awkward and stiff as the pressed polyester khaki uniform I put on every day. Perhaps I am actually in culture shock...
I have spent the last two days shuffling from one person to the next who wants to speak with me, a large portion including office calls with flag officers. Thankfully, I was "adopted" in my exile status by a flag officer who was also a member of my program. So I have some level of protection as I sit at my new desk in front of his office trying to resolve my life and figure out how to get back to the country I was torn out of. People stop by and remark, "Oh, you're THAT person. Aren't you so glad to get out of there."
"No." I usually flatly respond. "They had to force me out. And the second they lift the mandatory evacuation you can bet I will be on a plane back in." Incredulous looks follow.
"But don't you hate it there? Aren't you glad to be in Italy."
"No." I have nothing else to offer. I don't think I know exactly how to explain.
The greatest emotion I feel these days is anger. I never do well when I do not have complete control over my situation. I am grateful for the support I have received, particularly from my scholarship network. I know the admiral will take care of me and I am very happy to have his support. He understands how I feel I believe. But alas, my fate is in state department hands.
I get call and messages from people who say that I need to speak with a very vague and nondescript "us." Thus far I have been able to escape those interviews, but I am sure I won't for long.
"But why did they hate him?" I get asked frequently by passers-by. Do I even know where to start? Why do they hate Mubarak?
"Is this an Islamist movement?"
"No."
Don't get me wrong, there are those who seem to have far better understanding than I. At times I think I am too close to the situation. Somehow I got myself emotionally invested in it. I really want Egypt to succeed. The rays of light from the coming dawn are brilliant...if only the momentum can endure and be effective. Everything seems to be closing in and like the regime somehow has an upperhand...the ability to wait it out. Of course the people now know they can rise, but how long until the craving for normalcy outweighs the passion?
I have spent the last two days shuffling from one person to the next who wants to speak with me, a large portion including office calls with flag officers. Thankfully, I was "adopted" in my exile status by a flag officer who was also a member of my program. So I have some level of protection as I sit at my new desk in front of his office trying to resolve my life and figure out how to get back to the country I was torn out of. People stop by and remark, "Oh, you're THAT person. Aren't you so glad to get out of there."
"No." I usually flatly respond. "They had to force me out. And the second they lift the mandatory evacuation you can bet I will be on a plane back in." Incredulous looks follow.
"But don't you hate it there? Aren't you glad to be in Italy."
"No." I have nothing else to offer. I don't think I know exactly how to explain.
The greatest emotion I feel these days is anger. I never do well when I do not have complete control over my situation. I am grateful for the support I have received, particularly from my scholarship network. I know the admiral will take care of me and I am very happy to have his support. He understands how I feel I believe. But alas, my fate is in state department hands.
I get call and messages from people who say that I need to speak with a very vague and nondescript "us." Thus far I have been able to escape those interviews, but I am sure I won't for long.
"But why did they hate him?" I get asked frequently by passers-by. Do I even know where to start? Why do they hate Mubarak?
"Is this an Islamist movement?"
"No."
Don't get me wrong, there are those who seem to have far better understanding than I. At times I think I am too close to the situation. Somehow I got myself emotionally invested in it. I really want Egypt to succeed. The rays of light from the coming dawn are brilliant...if only the momentum can endure and be effective. Everything seems to be closing in and like the regime somehow has an upperhand...the ability to wait it out. Of course the people now know they can rise, but how long until the craving for normalcy outweighs the passion?
Great post Sara. In French, when you want to say that you miss something, you actually say the reverse...so for you- "I miss Cairo" would actually be "Cairo is missing me". I hope you get back soon- because even though Italian food is nice, we both know that you are missing some of the best moments to be in that culture right now.
ReplyDeleteThis is fascinating to me (but in no way surprising)... our risk-averse Embassy bureaucracy is built around insulating employees from the local population. Our leadership considers everything a danger and warns us to avoid critical events like demonstrations. If I was to deliberately disobey that policy, I would probably get in enormous trouble. But the moment a crisis erupts, agencies are lining up to interview you... the one person they know who was actually on the street!
ReplyDeleteOh well. Hopefully being "famous" doesn't drive you too crazy, and you can be back in your beloved Egypt soon. Keep the great posts coming.
Well, officially the embassy said to stay away (and you know the Cairo embassy is huge, bureaucratic, and I remain rather anonymous). But there might have been a silent nod for observations to be made...I'll leave it at that.
ReplyDelete